more sevilla


more sevilla. so the city was a major center in al-andalus under muslim rule from 711 to 1248 CE. hence the gorgeous tiles and mosaics, arches and minarets, courtyards and fountains. the excessive catholic presence in every bit of the old city seems to be pushback against this history. some of it is quite literal, e. g. the almohad mosque was converted into the seville cathedral – its bell tower (the giralda) used to be the minaret of the old mosque. i felt this pushback in portugal too, where i was told by a well-read guide that the arab history portugal claims has nothing to do with present day arabs (they are the descendants of the same arabs he so admires of course) and where a younger guide who took me to sintra and cascais couldn’t stop fawning over the knights templar because they saved portugal (by massacring muslims). feels like a bizarre fragmentation of collective identity

hola sevilla!


didn’t sleep a wink last night (not an exaggeration) so was up nice and early and ready for our train trip. got to madrid-puerta de atocha-almudena grandes about an hour before our departure and was horrified to see the entrance to the station jam-packed with throngs and throngs of people waiting, like 10,000 of them. apparently signaling cables were stolen over the weekend which led to massive delays on high speed trains. we had to stand outside the building for an hour or more as countless journalists and their crews interviewed frustrated travelers. finally made it to our destination although two hours later.

hola sevilla, u flamboyant one. the tiles u see are all located within 1-2 meters, just around the threshold of our room

goya at the prado museum

we hadn’t set an alarm and were shocked to wake up at 1pm today (jet lag and all that). late start to the day so dashed off to the prado museum – the met of madrid. too huge to see their entire collection/ exhibitions in detail but was completely floored by goya’s black paintings. these were painted between 1820-23 on the walls of goya’s two-storey house (quinta del sordo) on the outskirts of madrid when he was already in his 70s. the paintings reflect goya’s despair and cynicism and were never meant for public consumption. ‘saturn devouring his son’ is disturbingly violent but tbh the images and stories coming out of gaza are no less terrible and seem to be within the scope of human barbarity. ‘asmodea’ with the two figures floating over a landscape is so modern in its proportions and composition that it took my breath away. ‘the fates’ has some of the same energy. ‘the dog’ is equally incredible in how it’s composed and the layers of dark burnished gold that form its background. this series of 14 murals/ paintings is irresistible, magnetic, mysterious. also love el greco. the symbolism and elongated figures with the endlessly long fingers and lean muscles remind me of sadequain. another thing that jumped out at me was the use of a beautiful green one doesn’t find in too many other paintings from the same period. while i reveled in art, my daughter explored vintage stores and was not disappointed. we had lunch/ dinner on the rooftop of a restaurant covered in ivy (el viajero) and some dessert at be beirut which is owned by a palestinian family

peacocks at el retiro


even though we got here today and took a small nap before going out, we walked a lot – around the royal palace, along the gran via (known as the spanish broadway), in the atocha neighborhood where we are based, and finally in el retiro park which belonged to the spanish monarchy until 1868 and where everything is blooming. stunning architecture everywhere, tons of greenery and open community spaces, perfect weather and good food, but what i loved most were the peacocks at el retiro. i’ve seen gorgeous peacocks before (most memorably in choa saidan shah in pakistan and at jardim da estrela in lisbon), but this was something else. a full-on soap opera with screeching matches between male peacocks vying for the same female and some surprisingly aggressive shaking of feathers and hot pursuit. nature is bizarre and remarkable at the same time. found these secondhand booksellers close to el retiro and one of them talked at length with my daughter in spanish (so proud!). for dinner went to KA restaurant 6 min’s walk from our hotel for some reliable thai – the food was next level delish. it was a good day 🙂

the final cut is done!


the final cut for ‘the injured body’ is done folx! this is literally all i have done, day and night (slept at 5am many many times) for the last few months especially march and april, ever since i got back from pakistan. i am exhausted but oh so happy, so very happy. i cannot express in words what this project means to me. filmmaking is teamwork, its v nature is collaborative, and i love all the people in this film plus all the artists who have made this film possible. what a unique, diverse, strong and beautiful community we are! the film is off to don casper, brilliant filmmaker and film prof, for post production soon but here is a behind the scenes peek at what my life has been for a while now. me and adobe premiere pro. it’s a good match 🙂

that’s amanda chestnut on the screen – the first interview in the film

Book readings at the Xenana in Brooklyn


What an amazing evening at Pyaari Azaadi’s Xenana where Mona Eltahawy, @brooklynstani, and Yashica Dutt read from their books

Mona has put together an anthology of essays and stories about menopause (Bloody Hell!: Adventures in Menopause From Around the World), Roohi has written an important novel called Outside Women (“Combining the reach of a historical saga with the propulsion of a mystery, Roohi Choudhry’s tightly woven debut illustrates the power of sisterhood, legacy, and solidarity through the unforgettable stories of two defiant women living a century apart”) and Yashica read from her powerful memoir, Coming Out as Dalit: A Memoir of Surviving India’s Caste System
There was a lot of talk about being feminists so I asked a question about white feminism and the use of the English word ‘feminism’ in a Muslim, South Asian, Dalit context

Mona talked about niswiyya in Arabic as being a word she likes but how she’s comfortable using ‘feminism’ in English, Roohi spoke about reclaiming the word, and Yashica talked about how the word feminism is inaccessible to Dalits in India, how it is housed in circles with upper caste women who wear khadi and chunky jewelry and spout off feminist theories. Her own mother wouldn’t identify herself as a feminist but embodies the essence of what feminism is supposed to be. I loved this idea of embodiment vs western/ upper caste-centric language. The upper caste feminists Yashica described are very familiar to me and occupy a similar position of privilege in Pakistan. Yashica said she is more comfortable talking about being part of the movement for Dalit women’s rights and Dalit rights in general. That is my preference too – I see myself as an activist invested in community and the fight for social justice

I met the wonderful @mariam.rauf at this event and was talking to her about using the word feminism in the plural which makes it more palatable I think. There is no one struggle, no one path, no one feminism. The instinct to corral diverse movements, realities and histories under one universal term/ approach/ syntax/ even ‘look’ is very much a colonial imperative that we must resist

Thank u @safia and pyaari <3

happy birthday ammi


growing up, my mom was always the cool mom. she played sports with us, took us on hikes in islamabad, climbed trees with us in ziarat, anchored us when we were little in brussels, listened to/supported us as we navigated teenage life in pakistan, and then young adulthood in the US. our love of literature and film, our drive to excel and do the right thing, even our ability to connect to others and brush off borders – much of it comes directly from my mother. i can write books about decisive moments in my life that shaped me and how my mother was always right there behind me, making me feel safe and loved. she believed in me more than i believed in myself. what a prodigious gift that is for any child. thank u ammi and happy birthday <3

[this is a picture of my mom as a child recreated as a painting by sam sam]

Rough cut for The Injured Body


I finished the rough cut for The Injured Body last night!!! A film about racism in America inspired by Claudia Rankine’s book, Citizen: An American Lyric, with her permission to use her words.

Interviews and convos with 17 women of color, each breathtakingly brilliant and beautiful. 10 gorgeous dancers, 3 choreographers and one photographer – all women.

Stunning cinematography by Rajesh Barnabas, inventive choreography and costume design by Mariko Yamada, and unique musical compositions by Tom Davis

We shot the first interview for this film in 2018. Much has changed in the country (and in the world) since then and much has remained the same. What the film has to share is as important as ever, perhaps critical now.

It took me a while to get here but as I began to stitch the story together on my computer, I realized how much work I had already done over the years – the many transcriptions, notes, timelines, organization and reorganization of material, the consistent editing (interview by interview) to highlight ideas and create video clips in countless sequences and much more.

We finished shooting in 2020 and for the last 5 years the film has been with me, close to me, a part of me. Emotions took over as I watched the entire rough cut – for the enormity of what we have all accomplished together but also for the love and solidarity I feel for all the women in this film. I love what I do – how profoundly it’s connected to other people, and what it allows me to think and feel. A little bit of beauty in the surreal horrors of this world.

The film will premiere on Friday November 14th at Cinema Arts Centre in Huntington, NY. It will come to Rochester in 2026 inshallah!

[Photo taken by me of María José Rodríguez-Torrado in the opening dance sequence for the film]

Return to Sender at Unity Gallery


Screenings of Return to Sender in New York, along with Aashish Kumar’s work and Surbhi Sahni’s gourmet food, are already sold out!

But I will be giving a talk and screening the film again at Unity Gallery, Neurology Department, University of Rochester, for their Continuing Medical Education (CME) grand rounds on April 2, 12-1pm. A companion art exhibition, curated by Shawn Dunwoody, will open simultaneously at Unity Gallery ?

If you would like to attend via Zoom or in person, pls contact Jessica:

JessicaB_Cruz@URMC.Rochester.edu

Hope to see you then!